Supporting LGBTQIA+ Students and Staff: The Power of Pronouns

Authors : Hannah Kelly , Michelle Woodbridge , Sara Gracely

In celebration of the contributions and achievements of the LGBTQIA+ community, we encourage school communities to create and maintain a culture of safety of expression for all students and staff. In our last blog, we provided an annotated glossary with some of the current terms and definitions related to identities of sexuality or gender. In this second blog of our three-part series, we provide information to help you understand and use pronouns that demonstrate your respect, understanding, and care for all individuals.

Speech bubbles with various gender pronouns

Although pronouns, grammatically, may be small words that make it easier to refer to ourselves and others, they can carry large significance and meaning. Through pronouns (or personal pronouns), individuals can indicate their internal identities to the outside world. Using correct pronouns to refer to individuals is an important way to support the people around you.

Talking about pronouns can be difficult, even for people who think about them frequently. People who use pronouns not aligned with their sex assigned at birth are not all the same, and often will have different responses, experiences, and desires for how pronouns are used in different settings. This blog provides a general primer to help you understand and use pronouns to support LGBTQIA+ individuals, but the most important thing to keep in mind is that care and empathy go a long way. Often the best way to ensure you are supporting people the way they want to be supported is to talk to them with curiosity, humility, and good intentions.

Below, we provide common myths, facts, and tips about using pronouns to show respect and support for LGBTQIA+ students and staff.

Myth Fact Tips
You can infer someone’s pronouns based on outward appearances. By assuming someone’s pronouns, you may reinforce stereotypes about gender expression.
Talking about pronouns is awkward and only helpful in LGBTQIA-specific contexts. Sharing pronouns routinely indicates an understanding of and appreciation for gender expansiveness and can indicate to others that it is safe to share their pronouns as well.
  • Share information about different pronouns and the importance of using the correct pronouns to encourage a culture of safety and exploration.
  • Do not use the phrase “preferred pronouns;” “preferred” suggests an element of choice or flexibility, which is not the case—an individual’s pronouns are not suggestions.

If you are comfortable sharing your identity and pronouns:

  • Routinely share your own pronouns (e.g., “Hello. My name is Jade, and my pronouns are ze and hir.”)
  • Wear a sticker or button with your pronouns on something you carry every day (like a purse, bag, or lanyard).
  • Provide your pronouns in your email signature (e.g., Jade Smith [ze, hir]).
People who do not share or talk about pronouns don’t support LGBTQIA+ people; everyone should share their pronouns. Creating a culture where people feel uncomfortable if they do not share their pronouns may force some people who are not ready to share their identity and pronouns before they are ready or comfortable.
  • Recognize there is a fine line between encouraging pronoun sharing to support LGBTQIA+ people and creating a culture of compulsive pronoun sharing, where people in the process of understanding their identity and people who are not ready to share their identity may be put in an uncomfortable position.
  • Share your pronouns without expectation that everyone share theirs.
  • Understand that some individuals use a name in place of pronouns and elect not to be referred to by any pronoun.
  • If someone doesn’t share their pronouns with you, use their name to refer to them.
Individuals’ pronouns do not change. Some people may use certain pronouns in some contexts and not in others due to a variety of factors, including their physical and emotional safety; some people may use multiple pronouns in all contexts. People’s pronouns may also change over time as they gain greater understanding of their identity.
  • If you notice someone using different pronouns in different settings, do not publicly point it out.
  • If an individual has shared pronouns with you, ask them which ones they would like you to use in different situations.
  • If an individual uses multiple pronouns (e.g., they and she) publicly, use them all when communicating with others. For example, “I’m excited for Julie to come to dinner. They always bring the best dessert. This time, I think she’s making her mom’s apple crisp recipe.”
It’s too difficult to keep up with all the new terms and pronouns; I shouldn’t even try. Although using pronouns other than he, she, and they can be new for some people, it is critically important to learn about different terms and pronouns to show respect and support for people of all identities. It is also important to apologize genuinely for misusing pronouns and commit to doing better.
  • Practice using new pronouns in your head and in conversations with other people.
  • Make use of current tools and resources (such as those provided in our blog series); post and refer to them often, making sure to update them as new terms are defined.
  • If you realize that you used the wrong pronoun, quickly correct yourself by repeating what you said using the correct pronoun.
  • Don’t profusely over-apologize if you use the wrong pronoun to refer to someone; if someone corrects you, say thank you and move on. Over-apologizing can draw more attention to the mistake and make the person feel uncomfortable or like they need to comfort you. You can privately apologize to the person later and commit to referring to them correctly.

Using pronouns other than he, she, and they can be new for some people. If you’re working with someone who uses a pronoun you haven’t heard before, you can practice using the new pronoun in your head and in conversations with other people.

Here are some examples of pronouns with pronunciation guidance. We share these examples, excerpted from the University of California, Davis LGBTQIA Resource Center and the Diversity Center of Northeast Ohio, acknowledging that this is not an exhaustive list. The pronunciation of pronouns may vary person to person, so if you are unsure or how to pronounce someone’s pronouns, ask them!

Subject Object Possessive Possessive Example pronunciation
___ laughed. Ask ___. It’s ___ pen. That pen is ___.
Co Co Cos Cos coh, coh, cohz cohz
En En Ens Ens en, en, enz, enz
Ey Em Eir Eirs ay, em, air, airz
He Him His His hee, him, hiz, hiz
She Her Her Hers shee, her, her, herz
They Them Their Theirs thay, them, thair, thairz
Ve Vis Ver Vers vee, viz, ver, verz
Xe Xem Xyr Xyrs zee, zem, zeer, zeerz
Xie Hir Hir Hirs zhee, heer, heer, heers
Yo Yo Yos Yos yoh, yoh, yohz, yohz
Ze Hir Hir Hirs zee, heer, heers, heerz
Ze Zir Zir Zirs zee, zeer, zeer, zeerz

This is the second post of a three-part blog series devoted to supporting LGBTQ+ students and staff. Stay tuned for more resources on how to create affirming spaces for LGBTQ+ students and staff in our next post.

November 2024

Topics: School climate

Tags: LGBTQIA+